Illogical
by Haitorei
Summary: They acted differently. Ate differently. Spoke differently. Fought differently. Loved differently. It didn't make any logical sense. But with Naruto, you couldn't exactly be logical. OneShot. NaruNeji Yaoi


_Kami-sama, they had nothing in common. _

_Neji was smart – a genius, even – while he was… average (and that was putting it mildly.) I mean, could he even hold a conversation with him? Neji just stared at him, silently, while he tried to awkwardly make his stupid jokes._

_Neji was beautiful – he had perfectly white, maintained skin, flawlessly combed hair – while he himself had six marring, ugly marks on his face, unruly, impossible hair, and his stupid orange jumpsuit. What was he thinking?_

_Neji was… Kami, Neji was amazing. He leaned back against his pillow. There was no hope. He should have just focused on training._

…

_Kami-sama, they had nothing in common._

_Naruto was compassionate – hell, he'd even kill himself just to save his comrades – while he? No, he was cold, uncaring. Hell, it took him years just to start caring about his own cousin, whereas Naruto would go to unbelievable lengths just for that Sasuke bastard._

_Naruto was beautiful – he had perfectly tanned, flawless skin, those unbelievably cute whiskers, and his sexy, unruly hair – while he was ghostly pale, had long, girly hair, and his stupid Hyuuga attire._

_Naruto was… Kami, Naruto was amazing. Exhausted, he leaned back against the uncomfortable pillow. He hated hospitals. But he couldn't fall asleep. He just kept thinking about that blonde._

…

Sakura carefully observed the situation. Neji's hair, usually combed to perfection, was ruffled in some places – almost like it was half hazarded attempt to put it back in the right order. His cheeks had the faintest hint of a pink blush on them, but the stoic boy seemed to try and cover it up. Indeed, he even seemed happier than usual. He even smiled at Lee's joke. Then there were the more obvious signs: his attention wasn't… all there.

"Neji?"

He seemingly awoke from his thoughts. "Yes, Sakura-san?"

Naruto, on the other hand, had seemed to be sweating profusely. He, too, didn't seem to be focusing on food – which was _certainly_ unusual for him.

"I was wondering, Neji-kun, why your hair isn't so perfectly done today?"

Naruto gasped – just so slightly, biting down on his lips to cover it up – but Sakura heard it, nonetheless. Luckily, before she could say anything about it, Lee interrupted.

"NARUTO-KUN! YOSH YOU LOOK SO YOUTHFUL TODAY!"

"Th-thank you, Bushy Brows!"

Why was Naruto glaring at Neji now?

…

"_Ugh! I can't believe we have to go to this stupid party!" Naruto was mad. He was really, really mad. Popping his head into Neji's room, he took a peek._

"_No peeking." Neji said calmly._

_Naruto pouted. "Ne-jiiii. Come on!"_

"_I'll be done soon, just wait here." He pointed to the bed elegantly._

_He couldn't stand it! How could he always be so goddamn high-brow all the time. Naruto chuckled, mischievously. Oh, he'd bring out the animal in Neji, all right._

_Neji valued his hair – a _lot_. So when he was combing his hair, it was Neji time. As in, no one would ever bother him and live to tell the tale. Except one. And it was that one (that one's tongue, more specifically) who was licking his ear._

_Damn Naruto and his stamina. Neji, for one, was exhausted from last night. But Naruto? He loved it rough. Rough and long. His stamina was unreal. And he was… experimental. He doubted he'd ever get some of the things they did out of his head. So, when his secret lover was goading him for another round, he couldn't help but groan._

"_Naruto – I really must – " Neji made a silent gasp._

_Naruto was really pulling out all the stops. Covered in nothing but a mini skirt and – a breeze (that had Naruto written all over it) blew, revealing some bright orange underwear._

_An hour later, Neji had still not gotten ready, and they were almost assuredly going to be late for the party. Oh, he'd make Naruto pay. That much was certain._

_Naruto giggled. "Neeeejiiii let's go!"_

…

Okay, so nobody knew – and they wanted to keep it that way. They had agreed to keep it low-key at the party. Which is why when the hand-holding turned into Neji giving him a hand job – and a rather _forceful_ one at that – Naruto gave him a glare of epic proportions. Or at least, tried to.

The glare was cut short as Neji's thumb ran over the rim of his head, which made Naruto bite his lip in response, turning his glare into a '_God, Neji!_' look, which Neji freely interpreted to mean _'Don't stop!_'

The worst part of it was he had no way out. They were celebrating Shikamaru's promotion at a rather fancy restaurant. He certainly couldn't get up – that would reveal his rather… obvious _excitement_, which would be far worse more awkward. And since Neji was _right_ next to him, he couldn't exactly ask him to pass him anything on the table, since Naruto would be able to reach it, too.

Neji had the faintest hint of a smirk as Naruto coughed, loudly.

"Spicy! Phew. Man that was… _surprising_." He said, glaring at Neji.

Chouji smiled. "Akimichi secret recipe! Super spicy," he proudly said.

Sakura wasn't buying it. Naruto _loved_ spicy food. He thrived in it. There was no way he could have been caught off guard, and even if he was, he certainly wouldn't have reacted like that. He would have tried to pretend he could handle it, like always. Something was up with those two… She tried to make eye contact with Neji, but he suddenly turned his attention to his food.

…

"_They've nominated me to be a candidate for Hokage." Naruto said quietly. _

"_Oh." Neji replied quietly. "Congratulations. You've earned it."_

"_You're unhappy." Naruto said, softer than usual. He gently placed his palm on Neji's cheek, tilting his chin upwards. He hated it when Neji stopped looking at him. He just wasn't… open. Ever. "Please. Look at me."_

_Pale, beautiful eyes focused on azure. "Follow your dream. It would be unfair of me to hold you back. The village needs you, Uzumaki-san."_

_Naruto frowned slightly. "Why are you being like this?"_

"_I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… been so selfish. You have every right to pursue what you've dreamed of." He paused, giving Naruto a kiss on his forehead. "I'll miss you."_

"_Neji, I don't under – wait… Are you saying that… You'll _miss_ me? Neji what the _fuck_?" Naruto nearly shoved the man._

_Neji blinked. "Naruto. This… relationship we're having," he began slowly, choosing his words carefully. "It can't continue once you're hokage. For a couple reasons."_

"_You think I'm just gonna toss you aside, just because I'm Hokage?"_

"_You'll have responsibilities that far exceed what you do now." Neji rephrased. "It's not what you want, per se. It's what the village needs. The long-term missions together are not going to be a possibility anymore. My ANBU promotion means I'll be out of the village more than in."_

"_I'll always make time for you. Every Hokage has had a family."_

_Neji sighed. There was no getting around Naruto's sheer stubbornness. "Hai, hai. But how many of those families involved an ANBU as well? And two men? What will the other nations say?"_

_Naruto's eyes went wide. "Neji are you… are you embarrassed of me?"_

_Neji stiffened. "Naru, I would never be embarrassed of you. I would publicly marry you, right now, if necessary. I just don't want you to – "_

"_Let's do it."_

_Neji blinked. I think you should seriously consider – "_

"_Blah blah – Nej, you're always over-analyzing everything. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Let's do it!"_

_Neji chuckled. That's just the way Naruto always was. Once his mind was made up – which, by the way, it didn't matter how quickly it took to make up the blonde's mind – it was impossible to change it. No, Naruto wasn't even going to bother thinking of the consequences. First gay Hokage. First gay Hokage with a Hyuuga for a husband. First gay Hokage who was a Jinchuuriki with a Hyuuga for a husband. What the council would say. What his family would say. What Konoha would say. Naruto would say… to hell with it all, because that's just the kind of person he was._

_Even Gaara, who was heterosexual and not married, had near impossible trouble earning the respect of his fellow Suna citizens. Naruto had the odds stacked up against him. And Neji was willing to lose everything so Naruto could accomplish his dream. But to Naruto? Losing a bond wasn't an option. The hilarity in their differences struck him. From any logical standpoint, their relationship shouldn't have worked. They shared nothing. But that's the thing about Naruto: one couldn't really approach him from a logical standpoint._

"_Wh-what's so funny!" Naruto did a classic pout._

_Suddenly, Neji got down on one knee. Reaching inside his vest, he broke his necklace, taking out a dazzling diamond ring. "It was the ring my father proposed with."_

_Naruto gasped. The gravity of the situation only hit him now._

"_Uzumaki Naruto, will you marry me?"_

_Naruto lunged into Neji in a deep, passionate kiss. And just as soon as it started, Naruto ended it. "Wait… Does this mean I'm the wife? Cuz I'm stronger."_

_Neji smirked. "Of course, dear."_

"_What? I'm _definitely _stronger! You can't even deny that!"_

"_Of course, of course. Definitely, dear."_

_Naruto pouted. "I hate you."_

_And the two resumed their kiss._

…

Why was Naruto leaning over to whisper something in Neji's ear? Now Neji was whispering something in Shikamaru's ear? Sakura mulled over these thoughts, when suddenly, an idea came to her. A rather mischievous one. An almost Naruto-like idea. She shuddered. Really, she was spending too much time with the boy. She wondered if he'd fall for it?

The party was at a lull – they were all back at Shikamaru's house anyway. What harm could be done? Just a little provocation. She waltzed over to Naruto as fast as she could.

"Naruto…" she said seductively, as she leaned forward. Naruto, for his part, was trying to back away as fast as possible. Grabbing his tie firmly, she reeled him in closer. "Let's go out on a date."

Naruto went wide eyed. "Ah, well… Um, you see, Sakura-chan – I can't – "

She was just about to open her mouth and make another advance, when, out of the blue, Shikamaru stood up to give an impromptu speech.

"Friends are something you can't take for granted in the shinobi world – living ones, at least. Over the past couple years I've come to regard you all as part of my extended family. I love you guys – seriously. You're more than just comrades to me. So, on this happy night, it brings me especially great joy to announce a happy engagement."

The room went silent. Shikamaru was getting married? Wait, who was getting engaged? – seemed to be the general atmosphere of the room.

"Neji, would you do the honors?" The newly promoted shinobi announced.

The stoic Hyuuga walked up looking phenomenally regal. "I don't mean to steal the thunder of Nara-san. His accomplishments are truly wondrous, and he deserves congratulations. But for some of us, you are the only family we share. And, what better company to share happy news than with the comrades you've been fighting with and fighting for all these years? So, I'm… excited, scared, anxious, and overwhelmingly happy to let you all know, that I am getting married to Naruto-chan."

The room went silent, save two souls.

"WHAT!" A certain cherry blossom nearly fainted.

Meanwhile, "YOSH! NEJI MY ETERNAL RIVAL, WHAT BETTER SOUL FOR YOUR YOUTH THAN NARUTO-KUN! YOU HAVE BESTED ME THIS TIME, BUT I WILL FIND A BOY EVEN _MORE_ YOUTHFUL!"

…

"_Hinata. Hey!"_

"_N-N-Naruto-kun!" she squeaked._

"_I was wondering if Neji was here?"_

"_Th-Third door on the l-left."_

_Naruto approached the door. It looked pretty plain. He was kind of expecting something more, given the grand Hyuuga reputation, but apparently not. He shrugged and proceeded to knock. When Neji opened it, he found himself surprisingly unable to breathe._

_Then, all at once, it came back to him – very, very quickly. "Hey! Ireallyneedtotalktoyou; I'; Ihadnocluethat – "_

_And just like that, Naruto was stopped. By two very, very soft lips. "Neji." He breathed slow, rough breaths. "God, I missed you."_

_The only reply he got was a tongue, forcefully entering his mouth._

_They closed the door behind them._

…

"So how long have you known, umm" Sakura began awkwardly.

They were all in an intimate circle now. Shikamaru, more than pleased to have the attention _off_ of him, was with Temari on the other side, cuddling.

"Haha. Well, I guess it's been about two years now? Neji's the first guy I've fallen for, honestly." Naruto began.

"All my life." Neji quietly said.

"And when did you two start?" Ino chipped in, now.

"Two years ago." Naruto said.

"Does that mean…" Hinata began, stammering overcome.

"Hahaha yah – until he kissed me, I had _no_ real clue, honestly."

All the girls shared a unanimous "Kawaii!" imagining a chibi Neji and Naruto.

…

"Hokage-sama."

Naruto was about to turn around when the door suddenly slammed shut, and the ANBU quickly made a seal that enveloped the room in a flash.

'_An intruder?_' Naruto prepared for battle when, from behind, familiar hands grabbed his ass. He smirked. Of course. "Noise-cancelling seal?"

"Of course."

He turned around and kissed Neji. "I love you."

"Love you too."

Fin.


End file.
